Sy Kirby takes a deeply personal turn in this episode, inviting his business partner and wife of 11 years, Sara, to kick off a special four-part series on the challenges of marriage in entrepreneurship. Their raw conversation offers an intimate glimpse into how blue-collar business owners can protect their most important partnership while building something extraordinary together.
The couple doesn't hold back as they share their journey from newlyweds to business partners, raising three children. "Being married in business can be extremely tough," Sy admits early on, setting the tone for their transparent discussion about prioritizing intimacy when the business constantly demands attention. Sara reveals how their understanding of connection has evolved: "At the beginning, intimacy was just very physical... now it's the emotional intimacy, the connection that we share, and it's just a much deeper thing."
Their conversation tackles head-on the unique challenge of working together professionally while maintaining their personal bond. "When you close down the office and come home, you are still with that same person," Sara explains, describing the delicate balance of switching contexts. The Kirbys share practical strategies they've developed, including their "48-hour rule" for physical intimacy and the importance of brief, intentional check-ins during hectic periods.
Perhaps most powerfully, they discuss the breaking points that nearly derailed them and the commitment that kept them together. "Divorce is not on the table," Sara shares about their foundational agreement. "It's not an option for us." This commitment allowed them to push through difficult seasons, especially when rediscovering their faith provided a new framework for their partnership.
Whether you're already in business with your spouse or considering this path, this episode offers both cautionary wisdom and practical hope. The Kirbys' journey proves that with intentional effort, the right priorities, and a lot of grace, you can build both a thriving business and a fulfilling marriage, even when the same person sits across from you at the dinner table and the conference room.
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More About this Episode
Balancing Love and Labor: Navigating Intimacy and Emotional Connection in a Blue Collar Marriage
Running a business is hard. Raising a family is harder. Doing both at the same time with your spouse as your partner in life and in work? That’s a full-contact sport.
In this first installment of our four-part series, my wife Sara and I dive headfirst into one of the most foundational yet overlooked components of a thriving relationship: intimacy. And not just the physical kind. We're talking about the emotional connection, the silent glue that holds a marriage together when the world feels like it’s pulling you in every direction.
As entrepreneurs, parents, and partners, we’ve weathered the highs of business wins and the crushing lows of personal exhaustion. Through it all, the emotional fabric of our marriage has been stretched, tested, and, at times, nearly torn. But here’s what we’ve learned: real intimacy isn't about perfection. It’s about persistence, presence, and a willingness to grow through discomfort.
Redefining Intimacy in a Blue Collar Marriage
When Sara and I first got together, like most young couples, our idea of intimacy was rooted in the physical. Back then, it was passion, spontaneity, and late-night dinners. Now, eleven years and three kids later, intimacy means something far deeper. It’s the emotional vulnerability, the small acts of service, the quick midday texts, and the late-night talks on the couch, often in dirty work jeans.
And let’s be honest, when you’re running a business, doing school pickups, managing employee crises, and still trying to keep the lights on at home, romance easily takes a back seat. For us, it wasn’t about losing love; it was about losing intentional time.
The pivot point was realizing that we had to fight for emotional connection, the same way we fought for our business.
Emotional Intimacy: The Business Partner You Didn’t Expect
Working with your spouse is a double-edged sword. On one hand, there’s an unmatched level of trust. On the other, there's zero separation between personal and professional life. That billing meeting at 2 PM? It follows you home. That unresolved argument at home? It shows up in front of your team the next morning.
We’ve had to learn to draw lines not between work and home, but between our roles. In the office, we’re co-founders. At home, we’re mom and dad. In both roles, we’re partners, but the needs, the expectations, and the language of love are completely different.
Sometimes Sara doesn’t need a solution; she just needs me to listen. And as a fixer by nature, that’s been one of the hardest lessons for me to absorb. But emotional intimacy isn’t built through action alone; it’s built through understanding.
The Power of Little Things
We often overestimate what grand gestures can do and underestimate the power of the little things. For us, it’s writing a note on the bathroom mirror. It’s sitting in silence together after a long day. It’s grabbing her hand mid-conversation and saying, “I’m here.”
When life is loud, intimacy often whispers.
And when our days are full of concrete, invoices, dirty boots, and dinner prep, those quiet moments become sacred. They don’t require planning. They don’t require babysitters. They just require presence.
We also created a “48-hour rule” in our marriage. If one of us initiates intimacy, we honor that by making space within 48 hours to reconnect. It removes the pressure and adds intentionality. That simple framework has helped us balance desire and duty in a very chaotic life.
Intimacy and Work Stress: The Invisible Battle
One of the biggest revelations we’ve had is this: Work stress doesn’t stay at work. Especially when you own the business.
There have been days I walk in the door emotionally spent. Sara sees it on my face before I even open my mouth. And often, it has nothing to do with her, but everything to do with the weight of providing for a team, a family, and a vision.
Still, that stress seeps into our connection. It turns dinners quiet and date nights anxious. Left unchecked, it breeds resentment. Not because we don’t love each other but because we haven’t created space to offload, decompress, and reconnect.
That’s why check-ins matter. No phones. No kid talk. No invoices. Just 10 minutes of “How are you really doing?” It’s not therapy. It’s a lifeline. And those brief moments have often saved us from emotional drift.
Faith as the Foundation
At one point, we hit a wall. Business was moving forward, but we were unraveling. The intimacy had frayed. Resentment was building. We were missing each other in plain sight. That’s when we found faith again. It didn’t erase the chaos, but it gave us a place to recenter, to rebuild, and to rediscover what we were actually building this life for in the first place.
We began praying together every morning before work, every night with our kids. It’s now our reset button. A reminder that we’re not fighting each other. We’re fighting for each other.
When Sex Becomes a Task
Let’s talk real. When you're both drained mentally, emotionally, physically sex can become another item on the to-do list. And that’s dangerous.
In our relationship, we’ve had to be brutally honest about where we’re at. Some nights, we just don’t have it in us. But instead of brushing past it or letting it breed disconnect, we check in.
Physical intimacy isn’t about checking a box it’s about staying wanted, not just needed. And in the chaos of business ownership and parenting, it’s easy to forget the pursuit. But it matters.
That’s why we’ve made it a point to reignite the spark in small ways touches during the day, compliments, looking each other in the eye when we say “I love you.” They seem small, but they add up.
Key Takeaways for Couples in Business
If you’re building a business with your spouse, here’s what we’ve learned most of it the hard way:
- Emotional intimacy is earned daily. It’s not a given. You have to make room for it.
- Work stress is real, and it will try to steal your connection. You must guard your marriage fiercely.
- Date nights don’t have to be fancy. A quiet 10-minute chat without phones can change your whole day.
- Know each other’s love languages, and speak them often, even when it’s inconvenient.
- Faith changes the game. Whether you’re religious or not, having a shared foundation outside of the business brings unity and peace.
- Choose each other every day. Not just when it’s easy. Not just when you’re rested. But every day, especially the hard ones.
One Simple Challenge
Here’s something you can do this week: Pick one night. No phones. No business talk. No kid logistics. Just sit down and ask your partner, “What made today hard? What made today good?” Then listen. Don’t solve. Don’t fix. Just be there.
Marriage is messy. Business is brutal. But building both together when done with care, grace, and persistence is the most fulfilling construction project of your life.
Until next time, take care of your crew, both at work and at home. Be kind. Be safe. Be humble.
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