Marriage and business make for a volatile mix, as Sy and Sara Kirby candidly reveal in this vulnerable exploration of conflict communication and emotional safety. After nearly a decade of working side-by-side in their blue-collar business, they've weathered storms that would sink many relationships – and emerged with hard-won wisdom about keeping both enterprises afloat.
The couple pulls back the curtain on their evolution from "loud and fast" arguments in early marriage to more methodical disagreements now, sharing how they've created systems that work for their opposite communication styles. Sy, the emotional pursuer who wants to resolve issues immediately, has learned to give space to Sara, who needs time to process before engaging. Their bathroom has become neutral territory for these crucial conversations, away from kids and distractions.
What makes this episode particularly valuable is their practical approach to preventing work-home bleedthrough. "When you work with your spouse," Sara explains, "all the problems at home are still problems when you go to the office, and all the problems at work are still problems at home." Their solution? Creating dedicated spaces where business talk is off-limits, allowing them to fully engage as spouses and parents.
Perhaps most powerfully, they share their weekly "marriage calendar check" strategy and challenge listeners to use the "pause button" technique during heated moments. By acknowledging that feelings are never wrong while recognizing that emotions can lead you down unhelpful paths, they've developed a framework for resolving conflicts without destroying what matters most.
Whether you work with your spouse or simply struggle with keeping work stress from damaging your relationship, this raw, honest conversation offers both comfort and practical tools to strengthen your connection during life's inevitable conflicts.
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More About this Episode
Navigating Conflict, Communication, and Emotional Safety in Marriage & Business
When you're building a life together and especially when you're building a business together, conflict isn’t just inevitable, it’s part of the terrain. Add in long hours, kids, financial stress, and the high stakes of entrepreneurship, and you’ve got a recipe for emotional blowups and communication breakdowns. But here's the truth: conflict doesn't have to be a destructive force. In fact, when handled with intention and emotional safety, it can actually strengthen your marriage and your business.
This isn’t theory, we’ve lived it.
In this article, I want to share what it’s really like navigating conflict and communication in a marriage that’s also deeply embedded in business. My wife and I have been doing life, marriage, and business together for almost a decade now, and what we’ve learned hasn’t come easy. It’s taken late-night arguments, failed communication attempts, and a whole lot of uncomfortable conversations. But it’s also brought us to a place of clarity and connection that we never would’ve found if we hadn’t done the hard work.
Let’s dive in.
Why Conflict in Marriage Feels Bigger When You Run a Business Together
Let’s start with some context. When you work with your spouse, especially in a high-stakes, blue-collar business, there is no separation of church and state, so to speak. Business decisions, home responsibilities, and financial pressures all bleed together.
That disagreement you had about a missed email from a contractor? That might turn into tension at bedtime. That argument over the kid’s dentist appointment? That can show up as friction on a job site when your communication is off.
We’ve experienced both ends of that spectrum, bringing work stress home and bringing home stress to work. And unless you’re intentional, those lines blur fast. So how do you draw those boundaries and create safety in your communication?
Conflict Often Begins With the Silly Stuff, But It's Never Really About That
Looking back on our early years of marriage and business, we fought about everything and nothing. The dishes. The tone of voice. Clutter on the counter. A look I made across the room. Silly, minor things that should’ve been brushed off but turned into full-blown conflicts.
Why?
Because we weren’t communicating the feeling underneath the frustration. What might’ve seemed like a comment about the house being messy was really a cry for help, or an expression of overwhelm. A facial expression wasn’t about irritation it was exhaustion or stress from something else entirely.
We were both trying to be right instead of trying to be understood.
Men, Let’s Talk Ego
Fellas, this part’s for you. A lot of our conflict early on came from my own unwillingness to take a back seat and really listen. I thought I knew what she was feeling. I thought I could solve the problem with logic or business tactics. What I didn’t understand is that in marriage, listening beats fixing 9 times out of 10.
I had to learn that I wasn’t always being attacked; I was being invited to understand her better. And when I let my ego go and started really listening, our communication started to shift.
And ladies, I’ll say this: it’s hard to be vulnerable when you feel like your partner is dismissing your emotional needs. But the more you let them into your process, the more you can build trust on both sides.
Communication Is More Than Talking; It’s Listening, Timing, and Environment
One of the biggest lessons we’ve learned? Environment matters when it comes to communication. You can’t expect a productive conversation when three kids are screaming, dinner’s burning, and both of you are already emotionally maxed out.
That’s why we’ve learned to hit the pause button.
Sometimes, when tensions start to rise, we both know we’re not in the right headspace. Instead of escalating, we’ll step away, take 10 minutes, and regroup. It’s not avoiding, it’s creating space for a better conversation.
And when we are ready to talk, we’ve got our go-to spot: the bathroom. Sounds weird, right? But for us, it’s a neutral zone. No distractions, no kids barging in. Just two people facing each other, hashing it out, and most importantly, listening.
Pursuer vs. Withdrawer: Know Your Conflict Styles
We’ve also come to recognize our conflict styles. I’m the pursuer. I want to solve the problem right now, hash it out, fix it before it festers. My wife is the withdrawer; she needs space, time to process, time to cool down.
For years, this created massive friction. I thought she didn’t care. She thought I was being controlling. But over time, we’ve learned to honor each other’s needs. I give her time, and she promises not to avoid the issue entirely. We both circle back when we’re calm, collected, and ready to actually talk.
That’s what creates emotional safety, the kind of safety where both people feel seen, heard, and valued.
The Role of Triggers: It’s Usually Not About What It Looks Like
Let’s talk about triggers. In our relationship, they change depending on the season. When we were new parents, the biggest stressor was parenting. During a tough financial year? It was money. When we were hiring or investing in equipment? It was future plans and risk tolerance.
But what we discovered is that most of our conflicts weren’t really about the issue at hand. They were about unspoken expectations, past conversations we never closed the loop on, or just plain exhaustion.
It took us years to realize that the real trigger is usually something left unsaid in the previous season.
So now, we’re proactive. We sit down on Sunday nights and review our calendar not just for logistics, but to talk through expectations. Who’s handling what? Where’s the pressure coming from? What’s bothering you that hasn’t been addressed yet?
These check-ins prevent conflict more than any other single habit we’ve implemented.
Business Conflict: Show Your Work
In business, I’m often the visionary. I move fast, make decisions, and expect us to keep up. But I’ve learned the hard way that my wife, who is just as invested in our success, needs to see the details.
She doesn’t just want to hear, “We’re buying new equipment.” She wants to see the contract, the lease, the estimate, and the margin.
Not because she doesn’t trust me, but because she wants to protect us.
So now, instead of fighting over why I didn’t “run it by her,” I come to the table with everything laid out. She brings her insight, and more often than not, improves the decision. That’s not conflict, that’s partnership.
What We’ve Learned: Circle the Problem Together
One of the biggest mindset shifts in our marriage has been this: the problem is not me vs. you, it’s us vs. the problem.
Early on, we would argue in circles around each other. Blaming, defending, justifying. Now, when something goes wrong, we put the issue on the metaphorical table between us. We both look at it, ask how we got there, explore solutions, and move forward together.
That doesn’t mean there’s no tension. But there’s unity.
We stopped circling the disagreement and started circling the solution. And that one shift has saved us from countless arguments and brought us even closer.
Our Challenge to You: Hit the Pause Button
Here’s our challenge for couples out there, especially those in the trenches of life and business together.
The next time you feel a conflict starting to brew, whether it’s over parenting, money, logistics, or something dumb like dishes, pause.
Literally say it out loud: “Hey, I need to hit pause.”
Take 10 minutes. Walk away. Pray. Clean something (it works wonders). Let your emotions simmer down. Then come back with this question:
“What’s really bothering me right now, and how can I express it in a way that builds connection instead of destroying it?”
That small habit can change everything.
At the end of the day, conflict is a normal part of building a life together. What matters most isn’t whether or not you argue; it’s how you argue, how you recover, and whether or not your partner feels emotionally safe in the process.
We’re not perfect. We still fight. We still fall into old patterns. But we love each other more than we want to be right, and that’s what pulls us back to center every time.
Marriage and business can coexist. But only if you learn to prioritize communication, emotional safety, and a willingness to hit pause when the heat starts rising.
Until next time, stay grounded, stay connected, and don’t forget, it’s not about winning the fight. It’s about fighting for each other.
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